Really happy you're here.
How many of you… I know how… I know roughly how many of you it's the first time, because we had a full, small Zendo, but can you raise your hand and tell me how many first-timers?
I'm so glad you're here, welcome
That makes about half of the group, so that's good. I'm really happy to.
Be with you all, and to share this practice.
Thank you.
I always like to start my Dharma Talks with an acknowledgement of the native people of this land, the Ohlone people.
Who were here long before we were here, and
I acknowledge them, because they didn't…
Willingly cede this territory to anybody.
It was taken from them.
And not because I want you to check some box that makes me sound like I'm woke, or that I'm acknowledging some guilt. That's not where I want to go with this land acknowledgement.
What I'd like to bring attention to is our relationship to this land and to each other.
That this property that we call our beloved Jikoji Temple.
Contains not just this temple, but also the history of people who were here before.
Because of them, we were here, they took care of this property.
For centuries before we were here.
And I like to… Remember that we're interconnected by mentioning them.
And to acknowledge our, Deep responsibility for the whole thing.
Not guilt.
But owning the responsibility of our shared existence.
So, I'm thanking the Ohlone people who still exist. They've been here for over 10,000 years in the Bay Area.
And I thank them for their stewardship of this land.
Well, some of you know that I've been away for a month, which is a long time for me to be away from Jikoji.
It was a real education for me to be away from Jikoji.
Giroux, who some of you know, who is our resident.
Tea maker, he won't let me call him a tea master.
Teammaker and calligrapher.
Expert, but he won't let that either.
He's a beloved member of our residential community.
He and I were invited to go to teach,
He to serve tea and me to teach at our sister sanghas in Switzerland.
So I was in Europe for a month during that heat wave, yes, I survived that heat wave.
And.
It was really, remarkable time, we…
I taught a sasheen, which is a week-long meditative retreat up at Felsentor, which is an incredibly beautiful place to practice, and…
We were generously received and treated and it was a remarkable experience and I recommend.
You go to our sister temples there, Felsentor up in the Alps of Switzerland, and then also in Lucerne, and also in Zurich. I taught at all of those.
Each sangha brings a different flavor, and it was delicious, each one.
I recommend… some of you have visited, I know. I recommend, if you get a chance, to go.
The teaching theme that I was asked to offer for Sasheen Was the subject of unity.
It's a subject near and dear to my heart.
As you know, I'm
based on what I've said so far in the first two minutes, is that I'm very aware of our interconnection.
I can't.
Not be aware of interconnection.
So, I thought I was going to talk about unity, about the unity of our practice, the unity with all beings.
And… The unity of our shared existence.
And especially how… Tender that feels right now in a world that feels so divided and also.
Sometimes feels broken.
That's what I thought I was going to talk about, and I did. I talked
But I also started, I guess, experiencing unity in a more expansive way. I'm not saying expansive like, oh, what a good zenny I am.
I'm saying that it actually started to kind of develop in me.
Into something.
A little… Wider.
And broader and deeper.
So, unity.
is not something we achieve, most of us. How many of you here in this room consider yourself an achiever?
Be… tell the truth.
Come on.
I don't usually see anybody here at Jikuchi who doesn't consider him or herself.
An achiever.
That's a big question.
But unity is actually not something we achieve.
It's not something you can go and get.
It doesn't work that way and I myself experienced an awareness of unity that is what is present when I guess the Zen way of saying it is I'm not in the way but when not just I'm not in the way but that I'm not interfering with anything that I'm doing.
Or demanding that life be something other than it is.
So, unity is not something we believe in, or that we persuade ourselves to believe in.
It is what appears when we stop.
Resisting what actually is.
When our, kind of habitual response of
No, I don't want life like that.
That kind of note.
When that falls away.
One can experience.
A unity.
So, as you may know.
And those of you who were in Zen instruction, beginning Zazen instruction this morning, probably heard me say.
Zen is not a practice about going anywhere.
Or becoming a new version, version 2.0 of Menzen. Woo!
Not like that.
It is actually learning to stop arguing with reality, I would say. That is a lot of our practice.
Saying yes to whatever.
This.
And this… This is… Moment by moment by moment by moment.
Every single moment of our lives offers the exact same invitation.
We can tighten around our ideas about what this experience should be.
.
We can just say… Okay, here I am.
And meet it.
Fully.
Without any… commentary about how It should be.
Or how you'd be more comfortable the way it used to be.
Or how you'd be more comfortable the way it might be in the future.
That kind of, it's kind of a
All of those options are kind of a no, right?
I remember when it used to be like this, and really wish it could be like that, and it really ought to be like that.
Those are all kind of habitual no's.
I'm not shaming anybody, including me, having habitual nose. It's human. It's a perfectly normal human response.
To fear.
I just read something.
I'm sorry, Mike, I did not figure out the French, but I'll try it anyway. I'll bastardize Voltaire
Voltaire is famously said, "Does anybody here est-ce que l'ien personne ici qui pas francais?"
Okay, so you won't know that I'm killing it That's great.
How about online? Anybody's… oh my god, you're here!
Okay, help me with this. He said… I was gonna say…
Certainement et absurd. But it's probably a better way of saying it. Can you help me, Kevin? Kevin's in France.
Kevin Riquin: Yes, yes, it's it's right.
Oh.
Oh my gosh, I'm so proud of myself. My French kind of started to come back on this trip. Thank you. What did you say?
Oh, in English? Oops. In English, it means change is really difficult. It's actually, I think the word Voltaire used, but I really don't know this word, is annoying. Change is annoying.
But… certainty? Any idea about certainty?
That's ridiculous. It's absurd. It's just lud So, when we stop resisting, What's right here, right now?
something becomes visible that maybe we couldn't see because we were so busy wanting it to be different. And I am just like you. I want the world to be better.
I want everything to be better.
But as long as I'm insisting that it be better, I miss the opportunity to practice in this really beautiful, vast field
That I'm calling Unity.
So, this is not just, like, a nice little theory, it's not just, you know, wow, it sounds good, I'd like to be there.
It's actually a real thing.
Although it's not separate from every other thing. But it is, not a theory, and I'll give you a very simple, immediate example.
While I was in Europe, I keep… I arrange the calendar for our entire year. I'm making next year's calendar now.
While I was in Europe, after all the teaching stints were gone, so that was 3 weeks of teaching, and then a week of just lazing about with my sister Seisho, right here.
In France, we were in the French Alps.
And I realized that we could go today, that… Shoho Roshi.
our emeritus guiding teacher, was giving the talk, and that not only was I not here, and Gero not here, but our only other two residents, Tyshawn and Michelle, were also not here.
He could probably do it completely by himself, but it's a big ask.
So, I wrote… To, some regulars, and said, hey.
Can you show up on Sunday and just… Step in.
And.
Every single person I ask.
Said.
Sure.
No hesitation.
No ideas about what role do you want me to fill? Nothing but, sure, how can I lend a hand? I mean, I'm getting goosebumps even now.
I was so open-hearted, and
I have to say, I felt like I had to fly to a continent away to see what Jikoji had become.
This real sangha, this treasure, Sangha community.
Where people were willing to set aside whatever other plans they had.
To help. And they did.
So I just want to quickly thank Rain.
And Mila.
And Chuck, who was here last week.
Fatima and Sean, who I didn't call, but they showed up, and I saw them helping.
And Shindo, who's not here this week, who showed up and helped.
And Ke Ying, who also stood up and helped.
Let's see, make sure I don't forget anybody who else I'm forgetting Asia.
And cone, Misha Sensei.
Emily Sei Sho Bording: There it is.
Sorry? And Curtis! And Curtis, who was the Doan, which is a big ask.
All these people just said yes. You didn't ask me.
And more people as well, I mean everyone who was here, I saw everybody just.
Moving very seamlessly without any ego.
to help where help is needed. Stefan is here every week helping in this way, and more in the garden.
I mean, it's just remarkable to see what Sangha… Can do.
It was a real treat for me.
So.
I want to thank all those people, and my thank you to them is not…
Exclusive of my thank you to all of you, even the ones who are here for the first time.
Because I'm appreciative of the fact that you said yes.
Today, you said yes to being here, to taking what you could have been doing something else on a Sunday morning, meaning having a very elaborate, delicious brunch.
You decided to come here.
And I'm thanking you for that.
Yes to sitting still.
It's a big request.
And I'm grateful to you for sitting still.
And yes, for facing the wall, and looking at the mystery of life.
And not knowing what you're gonna find.
So thank you all.
In that simple willingness, that simple not saying no, but saying, okay, yes, That's unity. That's what's reveal
Unity, not as, agreement with how the life is going.
We're not going to agree with how life is going.
And not unity as in sameness, like, I have to disappear this individuality. Not that.
But a kind of natural coherence.
A natural harmonic… Willingness.
Kind of a willingness to be in the dynamic tension that is always…
Now these yeses sound easy when life is going kind of along the way we think it should go, right? It's not very difficult to say yes when what's happening is something that we would have chosen if we'd had the opportunity.
The real question is whether we can say yes when life is giving us what we actually would not have chosen.
Want something?
Or someone kind of throws a boulder in our flowing chill.
Then saying yes is something else.
When reality… Interrupts the story that we have about how life should be delivering itself to us.
Our ideas.
our plans.
Unity.
Is right beyond the threshold.
Of our fear.
There's an American-born nun. You've probably heard of her.
Umm.
She's a Tibetan n Named Pema Chodron.
And Pema was very fond of the founder of our temple, Kobun Chino Otogato Rushi.
And Pema has more than once quoted Coben's statement when she asked Coben.
How do you deal with fear?
Coben said, I agree.
I agree.
If I were a tattoo-wearing person, that statement, I agree, I agree, would have pride of place on my body.
But.
Not doing tattoos yet.
So, I hear in Coben's statement, not, I accept everything the way it is, and, you know, I'm a doormat now, and I can't do anything about it.
I don't hear that, I hear intimacy.
I agree is a way of saying.
Yah.
This is reality. I agree with what's right in front of me. I'm not going to fight it and resist it and say it shouldn't and I won't and it can't.
I agree.
When things are not going the way we want them to go, fear is a very present emotion.
And fear is, I think a very natural response To the unknown.
I think we all know this in a very profound way. I'm scared. I'm afraid.
Are.
Egos, basically, want certainty.
They want to know the coordinates of where we are right now.
And we also would like to know the coordinates of where we're going. Thank
We want to be in control.
And we're often really willing to diminish our agency.
To kind of farm it out to somebody else to tell us how we should be.
Instead of… Saying, I agree.
And meeting it where it is.
The fact is, none of us know how we got here, or where we're going.
It's a great mystery.
I agree. I agree.
It's not an agreement that reality is the way it should be. It's not an agreement with the content, basically, of reality. It is just a refusal to separate this experiencer of life, this expression of life.
From life itself.
Fear doesn't disappear magically, because you're a really good Zen student. It does not disappear.
But our relationship to fear definitely changes.
We sit down on these cushions to meet this fear directly. We notice what's arising, what's asking for our attention, and rather than kick it to the curb or grab the stuff we like, we watch.
We watched the mystery unfold, because the fact is that life is actually happening right here.
This whole world is happening.
This breath.
Is the actual place.
Where life is unfolding.
Oh, I want to show you something I got when I was in Europe.
This will have better meaning later. I hope you can all read it together out loud.
This is a postcard. I don't know if Seisho found it or if I found it, and I'm not showing you the postcard because you wouldn't be able to read it. I'm going to turn around on the count of 3. I would like you to read it
.
, 3.
Nothing is under control.
Parachute.
Relax, nothing is under control.
So… The Buddha's first teaching, the very first teaching, Was.
Guess what friends.
Life involves some discomfort.
There is… dis… Ease.
Ease.
Dukk Dukkha, which is usually translated as Life involves… Unease or suffering.
And it's not because life is somehow rigged against us.
It's because change is a constant.
And our suffering is not because of impermanence, but because we want impermanence to be permanent.
We'd like it to be one way and consistent, or another way and consistent, but not this constant movement.
Shifting.
That's our suffering.
It's caused by our demanding that impermanence behave like permanence.
When that demand falls away, There is uncertainty.
And it's true.
Nothing is under control.
But fear… Doesn't have to be in charge.
So, while I was in Europe, I had a very direct, visceral, Teaching on this.
I, Emily and I, Emily was my Jisha for Sashin.
And also my dear friend and traveling companion.
We decided we were going to take a gondola, you know, one of those little cages that takes you up.
into the hills, into the mountains, we decided we wanted to go see a glacier. I mean, I've never seen a glacier. So we went up into the French Alps on this gondola. Everything seemed very predictable and normal, you know, you get into the little metal cage, and you start climbing, but, it wasn't so predictable.
We're in our little metal cage, hanging from a big, Metal cable.
And… I've taken some video. Here we go.
And then it stopped.
Like, full stop.
Nothing was moving. We were the only car hanging in space.
The other car that was in front of us was close enough that they could get out and get down. We couldn't see that, and the other car…
Hadn't left So we're just hanging out.
Suspended.
Suspended animation.
Really suspended.
By the way, this little gondola takes you from… we're in the Alps, so let's say we're at, I don't know.
feet high, and it takes you 3,000 feet high.
So, we were hanging in this huge, rather staggeringly beautiful Void.
There is nothing.
Except the ground way, way down below, and these giant mountains in front of us.
and behind us.
And there is no way to communicate with anybody at either end.
They had a little camera!
So I guess they could see if we were smoking pot or getting naked. I don't know what they were worried about, but they didn't speak to us. So we were just sitting there, like, okay.
And I watched… This little scary fear arrived, and so did Seisho.
We just noticed.
We notice the fear.
Like a little, little voice in our head saying, well.
wonder what's going on, and surely they have a backup system, and is there something we should do? Like, you want to hang your, you open the door and hang out and say, excuse me, you know, we're hanging out here, could someone give us some information? But no one would have heard us, we were so in the middle of the whole mess.
So there was this little frantic spinning of catastrophic projections going on.
And then, you know, we took a few breaths, because, you know, basically everybody in Zen is really experienced with knowing that breath is a good friend.
took a few breaths
And we decided, okay, well, there's nothing we can do, and there's nothing to fix, and there's clearly nowhere to go, and we'll just wait for the next thing to happen.
We figured this was just a momentary pause, and things would…
you know, click right in, like they do at Disneyland, let's go, it's gonna be fine.
The minutes… Just kept ticking by.
We chanted a little, I admit.
And then we laid down on our benches, and we took this little, like, bench rest for a little while, like.
Okay, well.
We're just gonna be with what's happening. I mean, there's nothing else to do. It came right face… to our faces. It's like, nothing we can do. We were totally out of control.
And the minutes kept ticking by.
I want to say that it was, like, hours, but it was probably 30 minutes.
But that's a long time.
Every day in the French Alps, there had been these huge, gray rain clouds forming right about the time we were in that
Little Gondola Passage.
And I saw the gray clouds. They were behind Emily. Of course, I pointed them out. And I knew what happened every day with those gray clouds. Lots of rain and thunder and lightning.
And it's pretty hard to ignore reality when you're in a metal cage, hanging from a metal wire, connected to metal stanchions, and you're the only thing around.
It didn't look promising.
And I thought a lot about, okay, maybe this is it.
This is my ending.
And it wasn't a panicky kind of thought at that moment, it was like, okay.
Okay.
I wonder how my… my sons and daughter-in-laws and…
partner Mike. I hope they will accept this. I actually hoped in the moment that they would find it rather amusing that this was my end.
Because it's so random and crazy.
But there was nothing in me at that point that needed to resolve anything.
There was nothing I could do anyway.
It could just end like that.
Just me and Emily Seisho.
Swinging in the wind. And we were swinging.
The wind was moving us.
Just life as it is.
Not the way we planned it, that's for sure.
And not the plan that we had in mind when we went to look at the glacier.
Just life as it is, and the weirdest thing is that all I felt was grateful.
I just felt grateful.
Grateful.
I've had this great life.
I was just so grateful. Like, that's all.
Like, okay, this is it.
Thanks. Thanks so much.
I'm so grateful.
And then Coben's words came to me.
I agree.
I agree.
This I agree doesn't mean I approve. I did not approve.
But I agree.
I agree.
It obviously didn't mean I liked this, or that I wanted it, or that I planned it.
But I was willing to say yes, because What is the option?
No.
Well, it wouldn't have helped, would it? It would have just made my life more difficult.
This is the intimacy.
Of being… In your own life.
I refused to be separate.
From my fear.
And my gratitude?
And that cage, and Seisho, and the whole big, beautiful… Mess of my life.
It was exercising a choice.
That I mentioned earlier.
Choice 1.
is to spend the last few minutes of my life in my cage up there, saying, nope, it shouldn't be this way, I shouldn't… this shouldn't have happened to me, what did I do to deserve this? No, no, no, no, no.
Or I could simply make another choice, which would be to say.
I'm gonna take a few more deep breath And I'm gonna rest.
In this uncertainty of what's happening.
I'm gonna look out the window.
at this staggering, terrifying beauty.
That is, maybe, my last moments.
And say… Yes.
This is where we are.
Literally suspended.
So, the teaching of this moment that I think changed my life.
They said that's how it is all
We are literally suspended in a gondola of life.
And from time to time, we notice.
That we're making these choices of being present with however it is.
It's not like I chose that moment.
But that moment… Taught me.
That that's where we always are.
Suspended, moment by moment by moment by moment by moment, and we have a choice.
Do you want to say no?
Or do you want to agree?
Saying no has caused some suffering.
As the Buddha not The first noble truth is, There's some suffering.
As long as you're resisting life.
They're suffering.
So.
I guess you're not surprised to know it got resolved. We did come back to Earth.
we put our feet on the ground. There was this very sweet, young French woman saying, are you okay? Are you okay? Okay? And we were like, well, this was a great adventure. And we said, we're fine. And, what happened? And she said, the brakes failed.
And then the backup system, they were, you know, using a computer to implement a backup system, which also failed. But eventually, they figured out an approach that…
Kept us alive, huh?
I felt like I entered into a new agreement with reality.
I mean, I'm pretty inclined to say yes.
Generally.
but now it's full bore yes
So, this morning, we chanted Sensan's Trusting Mind.
And, this is a… 7th century poem.
I really love some… it's called Xin Xin Ming, or Trust in Mind, or Trusting Mind, or Faith Mind, and it's a poem.
One of the lines in that poem, we chanted it, this is a different,
I think this is slightly different. This is the one I have memorized from my…
Earlier life. As vast as infinite space, it is perfect and lacks nothing. Only because we grasp and reject.
Do we fail to see true nature?
So, before grasping and rejecting, There's something already functioning here.
Before fear divides our experience into self and other, or good and bad, Life?
is already Complete.
Practice.
Whether you're on the ground or in a gondola
Spinning and resting in the air, waiting for the next moment.
Please arrive next moment.
is simply learning, not to control it.
Not to insist.
That it be your way.
Kind of not too obscure.
The flow.
To just go.
To just say yes.
And it struck me, up there in the gondola, that there's two ways of saying yes. There's this inward yes, and an outward yes.
So the inward yes is You know, we say yes to our own experience, we, we trust that.
This is here. Our grief.
Our joy, our confusion, our fear.
Our memories.
And we also say yes.
Outwardly.
To the world.
As it is.
Beautiful, and difficult, and confused, and sometimes… Really troubled.
We say yes, not because everything either here or out there is exactly the way it should be, or acceptable, or even that the content is something that we would choose.
But because clarity begins with our willingness to say yes.
So, when life unfolds as we want it to unfold, May we say yes?
This is actually harder than it sounds. When you get what you want, it's sometimes hard to say yes to, to receive.
Is it… is it discipline When life does not unfold as we want.
May we say yes?
When grief comes, may we say yes.
When joy comes, May we say yes?
Not as approval for any of these states.
But it's intimacy with what is actually happening.
Each, yes.
Is this saying… I refuse to separate myself.
From the whole… Field of reality.
And when we do that, we recognize something that's always true, which is that we're not separate.
From the hole. Big, beautiful mess.
We are not… Beings.
Lost in a mysterious world.
Trying to find our way. We are actually… Life.
Experiencing itself through us.
Practice is not about going someplace else.
Or being version 2.0.
It's about being awake enough to meet Where we actually already are.
And sometimes that will be in a gondola.
Stopped in the air in the French Alps.
So when the gondola stops in your own lives, When you notice…
Or when ordinary life stops making sense?
Which it does, as David Byrne will advise.
May we continue to practice.
Saying yes.
Not trying to fix the mystery.
Not trying to control the outcome.
But just learning.
To meet life.
As it is.
I agree.
I agree.
I agree.
Anybody want to not agree?
Good luck.
I don't know why the police are coming, but I said something really wrong.
They're coming to rescue us from our awareness.
Okay, your turn.
You can ask any.
Questions?
Comments or tell me how under control you think things really are.
Question.
And fear does come.
No.
Being in the present moment is hard.
You're in your mind and things happen.
How do you… What do you do other than saying I agree, what exactly is happening?
What can be done to move through it?
I think you answered your own question. What is exactly happening?
I think important question.
What is happening? What am I experiencing?
What is this, and who is it?
That's experiencing it.
If you're talking about, you know, trying to fix this experience, I don't have any good counsel.
But my own practice is when something's… Upsetting?
I don't deny it I don't try to cover it up. I don't try to pretend.
It's one of my vows pretending.
So I'm uncomfortable And I…
I'm willing to be uncomfortable for as long as it takes for the system to settle down, and I can have some clarity about it.
Very practically speaking.
What I do, because again, everybody in Zen who practices becomes a breathologist.
We just become really familiar with this.
Breathing organism, and we know the power of just returning to breath.
It's not magic, it's a system. This body-mind is a system.
So I, I always remember to breathe, like, literally, like a little kid. Take a breath.
And maybe 3 or 4 or 5 of those, if need be.
It softens the fear response.
Dramatically.
It also keeps me from, kind of.
laying down another track on the neural pathway that I'm accustomed to about responding to fear. I'm not going to lay down that path again. I'm going to breathe until I can…
Meet the moment.
And do something skillful.
Skillful means… Wholesome. Not hurting me.
Not hurting anybody else. Sometimes that means I walk out of a room. Say I need a moment.
Sometimes it means I need a longer moment.
Sometimes it means it needs a couple weeks.
But I come back.
I don't avoid, and I don't pretend.
But it's a very important practice to pay attention when fear arrives, to observe it like you observe while you're sitting.
Well, there's some fear here.
I mentioned to the beginning meditation group that a few weeks ago there was a young woman here who talked about some real violence being perpetrated against Chinese women worldwide.
And I… I still feel it. It does not go away. I feel this incredible anger arising.
Like.
And in the moment of that experience of her telling me, and she's very upset, understandably, I felt it. Like, I wanted… I felt her anger. I felt the dis-ease with the way life is. I was not agreeing that this is how it should be.
But I'm, like you and many people, I'm used to facing.
Difficulty
I have a capacity that gets larger and larger, I hope. Hope it doesn't get stuck like the gondola.
Of tolerating my own discomfort.
So I stayed with it until… There was a pause.
Until I could say something.
We have to take care of ourselves in the moment of extreme fear.
Suffering. We have to take care here.
Because if we don't, We make it miserable for the rest of the world.
So take care in those moments.
Thanks for asking.
As we mentioned, nothing is Yes, speak up louder because I'm getting old.
Right before your eyes.
And we are Part of a thing so we are not But we are still… trying to control ARMY.
So that is… We're still trying to control it.
To me, but.
Right here, I was just swamped.
Every time, like, the reality, we try to practice meditation, we try to accept the reality, Supposed to be
There's nothing we can change, like, you're in Your hand up there.
No hair, but… Clearly there's nothing you can do but accept the reality, but sometimes Daily life.
or towel.
When you can make another app.
You can do a little bit more, maybe things will be better. We all wanted the world to be a better place, but it's kind of hard.
to… To recognize the limits, or when.
I should just stop here, or when, if I can do it.
How?
Or just, accept the,
I mean, we're a part of the reality. There's definitely something we can change, rather than just wish that things would be better.
I like a limit. How can we tell?
Where is the limit?
Thank you. I'm going to try to repeat some of this for our friends online. This person mentioned I'm going to have to address the part you said that wasn't really your question because I want to. She mentioned that she thought it was paradoxical that we sit down and try to control our minds when we're really not in control.
How do we decide when to act?
You know, if we're not in control.
And, yet the world needs our…
Affirmative action. How do we decide when to act?
So the first thing I want to just pick at a little bit.
Is when we sit down, we're not…
Training the mind like mind behave like this like you don't get to have these thoughts and you get to have those thoughts or not.
Picking and choosing, like the poem said, stop picking and choosing. We are actually not training the mind to divide.
Into good and bad. We are allowing the whole thing to come in, like you're a big sponge, which you are.
And you're letting it all come in, and by the way, it all leaks out the back
So, it's not that we're training our mind to take a position.
The other end of that. We're taking… we're training our mind to be allowing.
What else are you gonna do?
This is… yes.
Okay, allowing is… Got it. This is here right now. This grief, this joy, this anger, whatever.
All okay.
Now, the second part is.
I think there's a misunderstanding, and I'm sorry if I led to this misunderstanding.
I'm not saying yes means to be passive.
Quite the opposite.
There's only one you, and you, and you, and you, and you. There's only one of you, with your causes and conditions in mind, and…
You have something to contribute.
So, you have to decide And this is the question you're asking, how do you decide?
When to act.
Now… For me?
This…
It's sometimes the way I speak to myself, sometimes it's the way I speak to others, sometimes it's marching in the streets.
Sometimes it's making a phone call.
Jackie Pascoe. She's in my mind, I wanna know how she's doing, she's having So, whatever the act is.
But the way you decide is, Where's it coming from?
Is it coming from a need to be seen, and recognized, and achieve something? And hey, look at me, folks! Look how important I am!
Is it coming from a place of…
This is the most wholesome response I can offer.
To a situation that I think if I show up with my open heart.
I can meet it, and do my part.
It may not be the outcome that you want. Trust me, it often isn't.
But it's what you have to offer.
You meet life like this. You know, in Zen, we talk a lot about an open hand. That means not holding on to an idea. It also means not holding on to a particular outcome, that if you don't get it that way, you just…
That didn't work.
Not that.
It's this.
I'm gonna meet you where we are.
And then let's see what happens next.
The answer to your question is really simple, and you knew this as a kid. It's not complicated. Is it wholesome?
Is it okay for this one?
And for the next one, and for the whole beam.
And I also want to say that does not mean that you don't say no from a wholesome place. You do say no from a wholesome place. It's very different than saying no from a place of anger or identity or demand that I be recognized. All that is extra and you don't need it and it doesn't help anybody.
It's a separating thing.
But coming from a place like, well, I'm calmed down.
And I think what I think would be the best.
For me and for everybody. Not just me, not just them.
The whole, non-separated, Coherent. Messy.
Existence.
That's where you come from.
It's a big ask, right? Because you have to slow down enough to take the time to take care of the one who maybe has an identity issue involved, or maybe has a demand that life be better.
But… That one… It's kind of in the
Did I answer your question?
Thank you for asking.
It's important Try to pause.
Like, you pause when we're sitting.
Before you say or do anything.
And it's hard, because we want you to be completely yourself and spontaneous, and I'm telling you to pause.
That's how it goes.
When you notice something.
feels in your body. That's for me, this is where I notice it, even though I'm, like, really up here most of the time. But I know when I'm about to say something that maybe is separating.
I know it because I feel it, and I feel it right here.
I was mentioning in beginning instruction, sometimes I feel it here, sometimes I feel it here. When I feel it in my throat, I'm always amused because, oh, it's because I said something and my throat is like choking on my words or that I didn't say something and my throat is choking on the fact that I said something.
That I wasn't honest.
It's not easy being human.
Compared to what, as you would say.
It's all we've Thank you.
Anybody online?
Peterson, unmute so I can hear you.
Hi, Marie.
peter and marie: Thank you.
peter and marie: Sensei.
peter and marie: Everything you said was reaffirming.
peter and marie: Oh.
peter and marie: But… The the sponge confused me.
peter and marie: Bye-bye Sort of the opposite of the way I… Ebens.
peter and marie: Seeing, for decades.
peter and marie: it seems like what I don't want to be is a sponge. I want to be observing the clouds passing this in the sky, just letting them come and go. I don't want to be absorbing the thoughts that inevitably arise.
peter and marie: Maybe it's once again just the Oh.
peter and marie: Meta, yeah.
peter and marie: metaphor you used. Oh.
peter and marie: I think it's better.
a language thing, but I would say both and, because we do sometimes find ourselves absorbing the energy around us, right?
And a sponge for me has been a very helpful way of saying, well, Sponges let go.
sponges let go of what they absorb. You don't have to hold it. I would not recommend holding it.
And I'm not talking necessarily in meditation. I'm with you with the clouds. I like to watch
What's coming, and let it go.
But.
When we're in life, I mean, I'm very — I'm a very sensitive person. I can — I told a story when I was in Switzerland. I told a story, Sesha, you've heard this.
that I walked into a coffee shop here, down in Saratoga one time. I had to go to the library to work, because I couldn't think clearly here. And I went down to the library, I got a coffee shop, and when I got to the counter, the coffee person said to me.
I hadn't said a word, I just was standing there, and she said, rough morning?
So, obviously, my energy, this kind of, in my head, thinking, how can I figure this out, and how do I do this, and how do I communicate this skillfully, and I want to do this kindly and carefully, all of that entered the room before I did.
the peace. I mean I am emitting energy and receiving energy. That woman saw my energy. We laughed.
But…
That's what I'm talking about, the sponge. Here it is. She pointed it out to me. Thank you so much, barista with tattoos and piercings everywhere.
And I… because she pointed it out, I saw it, and I let the sponge release. So, I don't know, maybe that helps, maybe not. You don't have to keep it. You can toss the sponge into the dishwasher and get it clean and let it go.
Can you release the sponge?
peter and marie: Thank you. Thank you, Pamel.
You're welcome. So good to see you both.
Go on, Sensei.
Misha Merrill: Sensei, welcome home.
So great.
Misha Merrill: You remind me of two things.
Misha Merrill: One is, there are a gazillion different ways to die.
Misha Merrill: This, this certainly would have made Top of the list.
Misha Merrill: But the thing that you really remind me of is.
Misha Merrill: Ichigo ichine.
Misha Merrill: One meeting, one time, we never know.
Misha Merrill: When the last time is.
Misha Merrill: So thank you for reminding me.
Misha Merrill: to be grateful.
Misha Merrill: For whatever it is that we have.
Misha Merrill: For however long we've got it.
Me too.
We're all so lucky.
Even though it's really crappy sometimes.
Okay, anybody else online?
Anybody else here?
I'm sorry, I guess I'm very sensitive today.
Not really sorry.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm with you.
Speak loudly, though, because, you know… So, I think
I want to hear some of your teaching about How to say no.
She said she wants to hear my teachings about how to say no.
Oh, boy. That's all.
I actually gave a whole Dharma talk, maybe I'll resurrect it, it's from years ago, and another sangha, How to Say No. Next week? No, next week, cool, and Misha-sensei's gonna be here, but maybe after that, How to Say No. It's really hard.
Cause you have to be able to go all the way through all of your resistance and anger and frustration and all that.
You have to kind of, there's a lozenge, actually, a lozenge.
slogan that says, turn all blame into the one. It's a very ancient teaching, which I really love. Like, all of that stuff, I'm…
Turn it all here.
Then, when you've taken care of that, you'll know how to say no.
Because… It's not about them.
At all.
It's about the greater good.
And so, you're not hurting them, you're not… I mean, they will receive it, however they're gonna receive it, you'
Let me remind you.
Relax, nothing's under your control. You're not gonna be able to control the outcome, no matter how
kind your intention is. People will not necessarily receive it that way, and that's not up to you. It's none of your business, really. They have to do their own work.
But you can meet.
What you understand.
And as an opportunity that maybe, This isn't working.
And you can do this from a place of great.
Wholesomeness. I'm not saying this is easy, or that you're going to be skipping through it
But, it's actually doable.
And… It saves a lot of heartache for a lot of people when you just tell yourself the truth.
This isn't working.
How do I want to proceed? How can we proceed?
Because there isn't actually an I, separate.
So, maybe another time we'll talk about how to say no, but the gist of it is, it's a lot of pre-work on your own ideas.
Before you can say no in a way that's like.
Kind and clear.
And wholesome. And, you cannot Be attached to an outcome.
Sorry.
Even though we're all attached to outcomes Okay.
Okay, anyone else?
Is that a fan Or story you find yourself refer returning to often.
A Zen parable or story.
That I find myself returning to often.
It changes over the years.
For many years, I was really, really smitten with the mustard seed story that some of you know well.
Where a woman whose baby died.
She was carrying around her dead baby, and she couldn't let go.
I… doesn't have to be a baby. You're all carrying around a dead baby. So am I.
Something that we're just not… Able to let go of.
An idea about ourselves, a wound.
And these things did happen, so it's understandable that you're carrying them.
And the story goes that she met the Buddha.
And the Buddh Empathetically said.
I want you to go.
To a house.
And I want you to go get a mustard seed.
Let's see From a house that has not suffered.
Like yours.
Not this baby, necessarily. Lost.
So she does it.
She goes from door to door to door to door to door.
Nobody can give her a mustard seed.
And she goes back to the Buddha, and she's able to let go.
The baby.
Affected me for many years, like, really many years, like… Decades.
Because it's hard to let go.
We all have these little ideas about who we are.
And how we've been formed.
It takes a lot of work to become friendly with all of that.
To love.
This confused mess.
So there's one.
Okay, speak louder.
Just so you know Set a YouTube alarm Pre-work
The question is kind of a piggyback on the earlier question is how to say no.
And how do you do the work I was referring to?
Of, getting to the place where you can say no from a… A place of…
compassion and coherence and non-separation. That was the question.
And, you know, I actually don't know how it is outside of this body and mind, so I can't really tell you.
You could, I have faith that you can.
I have faith that everyone here can do this. I know you can.
But it's courage, like, a lot of courage to tell yourself the truth.
And really work on your reactivity.
For me?
I'm very fond of the question.
Who is objecting? Who is it here?
Not out there, by the way. None of my work is out there
It's always here. Sorry. I wish you were out there so much.
It's here.
So who is it?
And… I have to take care of that one.
That's the first level.
And it's very, visceral, I would say, bodily experience, like.
Where is this? Where is this wound? Where is this pain?
And we have lots of… talk about neural pathways… we have
Decades of experience of running this same identity loop.
About, I'm this, and I'm that, and this happened to me, and I'm a victim, and I've got this particular disease, or whatever it is that we identify with, and we… we actually…
Empower our own diminishment.
By running these loops.
But when we really… sorry, I don't mean to sound pejorative, but when we really grow up, we…
We own it. Must be generative.
Umm.
Speaking down.
I'm not saying, like, I conquered this, by the way. I make these mistakes all the time, trust me. I'm just like you.
Like all of us.
I'm just a human being.
But, there is a part of me that is also a grown-up and knows better.
And that means I have made friends.
And continue to make friends, continue to make friends with my history.
So, that's a big part of it for me, and I've had, you know, I've talked to therapists in addition to my Zen practice. Sometimes in Zen, I can identify
who it is, and then I need to talk to somebody, because
It helps kind of, unmask more layers.
And it's not a pity party.
That's not where I'm going, at all.
It's actually the opposite. It's like, this is what the lunch lady gave me, as my friend Hogan says.
This is what the lunch lady went on my lunch plate.
And I'm okay.
I'm like more than okay.
And that helps me.
Figure out who it is.
That should or should not be responding.
In any difficult situation.
I want to take care of all the she's, all these, all the she's that are we.
Before I open my mouth.
And when I do that it's wildly successful. I mean without fail. Now that doesn't mean it's the outcome I want because other people.
My teacher Vanya in Switzerland likes to say, people are going to do what people are going to do. That's a very bad Swiss-German accent. Thank you. God, I'm doing really well in the accents department today. She just patted me on the head for my Zurich accent.
I'm gonna get a shat head anyway…
Yeah, I think that it's really important.
To.
Pay attention.
To the one who's asking.
For things to be different.
take care of all those people. And when you're done with that work, and it doesn't take months and years, mostly it doesn't, mostly it takes just this kind of courage.
To be honest.
And with yourself.
And then you kind of go, okay, and you can usually say what you.
Need to say from a place of kindness and compassion, not from a place of…
You shouldn't do this. It shouldn't be like this.
Even what I said earlier, this isn't working. It's really, it's not that it's not working for me.
It's that There's not coherence, there's not harmony in whatever sangha it is.
If it's your sangha of your work or your family, And the… the possibilities… for harmony literally are vast.
So, it's not like you're saying.
No, get out, I don't like you, I don't want this, and you may be saying that.
Saying no, that this is not wholesome.
Is the opportunity… it's like you opened a door.
And everything flush… flows in.
And that comes from a place of compassion. So, I guess what I'm really saying is, start here. No surprise, really.
Start here.
with compassion here.
For those of you who are in beginning meditation, I mean, that's a big deal, that we sit down and you think you're not good at it. And I'm trying to tell you over and over again, you're doing great
You know, even if you're itching, even if you get up in the middle of meditation, whatever, you're doing your best.
And that kind of.
Affection, not preciousness.
Did you cure me? Not that stuff.
Strong.
Affection for your own experience, trusting it.
Really.
It really is empowering. People don't like the word power and empowering. It's not a power that separates you. This is empowering that joins you to everything.
I think we should stop. I actually don't know what time it is, I'm afraid to look. I think it must be more than time, and we can all have a little social time up there, and I will be there too, so we can keep talking, okay?
Thank you all for your practice.
Thank you, my dear, beloved friends in Sangha. I'm so… Happy to see you all.