Oh.
So, good morning.
Mmm.
Oh.
You may be wondering, if you're relatively new, who that Tapagata person is.
Tataikata basically means one who thus comes.
And that's basically all of us, that we have come to this moment right here.
And this is the moment that there is, that we know for sure is right in front of us.
It was an honorific.
Given to the Buddha, because of his great enlightenment of understanding.
Coming to right here, and abiding in this place.
So today I wanted to talk a little bit about a very famous Zen master Dongshan in
The Japanese lineage, he's Tozan Ryokai.
He was a teacher in the Tang Dynasty in China.
And he basically co-founded This school that we are part of, the Soto School,
And that was one of what's called the five houses of Chan or Zen. So it was in the early 800s.
Common Era.
And just to give you a little, context, The man who…
really formalized Soto practice in Japan, which is what most of our lineages come from, was Dogen Zenji, and he was, in 1200, Common Era, so about 400 years later.
So he, had gone to China.
He was not real happy with what was going on in Japan in the Tendai sect that he was part of, and so he decided to take the really fraught
trip across the sea to go to China, and the Japanese were never known for being great seafarers. When they were out in boats, they were always, you know, could see the coast. So to go out into open water was a big deal.
So Dogen took this trip and looked around for a while and finally found a wonderful Zen master whose name was Tendon Yojo.
And… So he… had a great, understanding under Tendo Nyojo, and brought it back to Japan.
And this is what evolved
into modern Soto Zen, which is what we're part of today. So, you may have heard about Rinzai Zen, and they're, usually known for their koan practice, the sort of, perplexing riddles. Soto Zen.
fundamentally is Just sit down.
And watch what happens.
I'm sure all of you, when you were sitting here a little bit ago, were amazed at the things that came into your mind, because I always am. I think we think we're supposed to completely clear our mind, and good luck with that.
Because this is what the mind does.
It thoughts.
It's like little secretions, thoughts.
The difficulty for us is when we grab one of those thoughts.
And we take off with it.
And suddenly we realize we're not here anymore, we're with our auntie, or we're with our best friend, or we're at our work, or we're thinking about what we're gonna make for dinner.
And that's fine, this is what the brain does, but when you finally realize that's what you're doing, you very gently say, I can think about that later.
And bring yourself back.
To what's in front of you right here, which is just sitting.
So, Dongshan…
is famous for a lot of things, and there's at least one sutra that they thought was attributed to him, but they changed their minds. But the most important thing that he did was develop what was called the Five Ranks. And I'm not gonna talk about that today, but it's, it's basically…
We live most of our lives in the relative world, the world that has deadlines, the world that has stoplights, and you need to pay attention to that, because otherwise you will cause big problems.
Then there's this other place, the absolute realm.
And when we sit down, that is more or less the realm that we enter.
So we go back and forth, it's never one or the other.
All the time.
So, what he said was, you know, there's the relative and the absolute.
The absolute and the relative.
The relative and the absolute together, the relative and the absolute apart, and then
Get rid of both of them. That was the five ranks.
However, today I want to talk about one of his most famous statements.
He said, The greatest suffering That there ever could be.
Is to wear this robe, and not understand The great matter.
So, first of all, what does it mean to wear this robe?
So, you may be looking around, and some of us have these, funny clothes.
So… Nenzen and I have a brown robe, which means that we are priest-ordained and we are teachers.
And Taishin has a black robe and that means he is priest ordained. And then today Nenzen is wearing her rakusu. Many people have rakusus.
If you are lay-ordained, in other words, have received the precepts formally, you make a Rakasu in a particular color.
But then there's the thing that we all share.
So if you're thinking, oh, this robe thing is just for priests, that's a mistake.
The most important robe.
That you wear.
Is the mind rope.
This is the robe of Buddha Mind.
That you wrap yourself in. It's a refuge. This is what you're doing here.
You have come.
To practice the fundamental teaching.
Of basically all religions.
Which is meditation.
If you look carefully at every major religion in the world, meditation is the bottom line.
So for Buddhists, the mind rope
is this Buddha mind that we sit down and allow. We try to let our own, sort of.
Relative discursive thought.
Settle.
Because what is so amazing is when you finally succeed at that, Something else has room.
to arise.
We all have access.
To this universal consciousness.
And I'm always amazed.
That when that arises, I can really look at it and say.
This was not a thought in my head.
It wasn't… Mine.
This is not a thought that I would normally have.
And it's happened enough times that I recognize.
Usually, the other thoughts are all definitely mine.
Right.
My this, my that, my husband, my dog.
But these, these things that arise from universal consciousness are not mine.
They belong to everyone and everything.
So, we don't have to have A literal robe.
Some of us decide to do that, but… That's not the important thing.
Imagine yourself… Wearing a robe of some kind.
Just something?
You know, like a shawl.
That you wrap yourself up in.
Those are the Buddha's teachings.
That you are wrapping yourself up with, and as I say, the fundamental teaching.
Is of the meditative mind, the Buddha mind.
The point… of this robe that Dongshan is talking about, Is to take refuge.
In this world that we're in right now, I know it seems like it is completely falling apart in so many ways.
But actually, if you're a student of history, what you see is that there are many times that this has happened.
We go towards enlightenment, you know, like the Renaissance.
And then we, you know… but before the Renaissance, remember, there was the Dark Ages.
And then further down the line.
There's the Industrial Revolution, and then there's Nazi Germany, and the extermination of 6 million people.
And then, you know, we learn our lesson for a while.
The problem for humans is we have very short memories.
We have very limited perspective, because
We each, I mean, on the big scale of things, we each…
Live a very short period of time.
So it is very easy for people now to think, oh, Nazi Germany. Did that really even happen?
Yes, it did.
And we need to pay attention to history.
It doesn't repeat.
But it does recycle.
So, Tozan says the greatest suffering that there could ever be is to wear this robe, this mind robe.
And yet not to understand the great matter.
What is the great matter?
Each of you already knows.
That's why you're here today.
There's something in you that wants to understand Why am I here?
What is the point of all of this?
I was just saying to someone the other day that when I was about I'd say 24.
By that time, My present husband and I had gotten married.
We had a lovely place to live.
We had a wonderful dog.
I had great work as a graphic designer.
And I remember thinking to myself at some point, Is this it?
I checked all the boxes, I got what everybody told me I was supposed to get.
Is this actually… is this it? This is kind of disappointing.
There must be more. There must be something.
Some part of me, my Buddha mind, knew.
That there was more to life than that.
Not that those things are unimportant. They're very important.
But there is, then, the great matter.
Of.
Life and death.
So Nenzen-sensei gave a lecture several weeks ago on the koan, alive or dead, you know?
Monks at the casket.
And he turns to his master, alive or dead!
The Master says, I won't say.
Why won't you say?
I won't say.
And it's because… The great matter has to be figured out by each of us.
ourselves.
The master could have said what he thought.
Alive or dead.
Probably both, maybe neither.
But the fact is, that was his understanding.
So, we can all sit up here and talk till the cows come home.
And that's our understanding, but it's not yours.
That is the great matter that we all need to get to the bottom of.
So, the harm, that little… Wooden thing that gets hit to tell you to come to Zazen.
It has a message, usually, on it.
The message says, wake up!
Life is swiftly passing!
Be aware of the great matter.
Don't waste time.
I feel very fortunate.
That when that thought occurred to me, is this it?
I realized I needed to do something.
I was 25 years old and rootless.
Basically.
And so, I started reading about Various philosophies.
All different kinds. Fiction, even.
But mentioned, every now and then they'd say, well, and the old Zen masters would say, blah blah blah.
And now that this has happened, like, 10 times in 10 different books, finally there was this part of me that said.
Who the heck are these guys?
I never heard of any Zen masters because in my childhood, Buddhism wasn't even a thing. The most exotic we got was Judaism. There was Catholicism, Presbyterianism, and Judaism, that was it.
Coming to Buddhism.
Was a whole new thing for me.
And so I found a book.
Zen and Japanese Culture.
It turned out it was the wrong book.
Because it had been written 50 years beforehand and it basically said if you wanted to practice Zen, you had to go to Japan.
It was only through a series of what I,
Clearly karmic events. I don't believe in coincidences.
That I found out finally.
But there was a Zen Center in Mountain View.
There was also a Zen Center in San Francisco.
It never dawned on me. In those days, I have to tell you, many of you were very young.
We used things called the Yellow Pages.
We did not have the internet, we did not have Google search, we used the Yellow Pages, but even that, I didn't even think to look, because I thought, why would you look up Zen Buddhism in the Yellow Pages?
There it was.
So I went to Mountain View, and there, in fact, was a teacher who was
In the lineage of San Francisco Zen Center, and that's how I found out about that.
And his teacher… had been the teacher who founded this temple, which
I lived a half an hour away, and I knew nothing about this place.
My Buddha mind was at work.
Pushing me towards this thing.
For which I am very grateful.
How do we understand this message?
Don't waste time.
Become aware of the great matter.
First, Wholeheartedly practice.
Go ahead and jump into the deep end.
Make a big splash if you have to.
But don't walk around the pool dipping your toe in every now and then and thinking, oh, it's too cold!
It will never be just right.
Right? It's always, it's the Goldilocks thing. Too big, too small.
Just jump in.
With your whole heart.
The second is an old-fashioned word, renunciation.
Where to go?
And give up.
In the sense of letting go of everything, You have.
Seeing every person that you are, right.
And everything that you have has only.
In the service… Of the Dharma.
Of the world, of universal consciousness.
You know, when we ask ourselves, what are we doing here?
The best The thing that I've found is…
I am in service to the world.
I'm in service to myself, to my family, to my friends.
But really, I'm a human being, I'm a sentient being.
And I have an obligation.
To the world.
The third, and a really important one, is when you cause harm.
Acknowledge it.
Apologize if necessary. Feel remorse.
Then, accept that you messed up, Forgive yourself?
Or ask for forgiveness.
And go on.
Because… We all make mistakes.
Lots and lots of them. And in fact, Suzuki Roshi used to say that our life was just one mistake after another, which is my feeling, and exactly my experience.
So there are 3 practices.
That I would like.
To share with you.
The very first, which in… This area in particular is a very hard practices.
To be humble.
To realize… That we really don't know so much.
I mean… I'm 71, and I think of all the things that
I don't know, and probably don't have enough time now to know.
All the areas I would have loved to.
Get a degree in, you know, anthropology, or medicine, or…
Buddhist Studies, I don't even have a degree in that.
I mean, I suppose I do by default, but…
The fact is, there's just so much we don't know. We can't… one person cannot possibly have time and energy to know everything.
So we never get to think, or should probably not think, oh.
I'm an expert! I know something! Because as soon as you do that, someone comes along who knows more than you.
And if they're nice, they'll let you know that in a nice way, but if they're not humble.
They'll really cut you down for thinking you know something.
We just try to do our best.
We share whatever small bit.
Of the practice that we've been able to absorb to this point.
And share it with others as they wish.
So I have been practicing tea ceremony.
.
years.
And, to some degree, I am an expert in my school.
And yet, I know that I don't have a certificate from Japan in tea ceremony, and that if I went there and started studying with
The master of my school there, Mr. Sen.
He would probably be rolling his eyes back in his head, not showing me of how on earth did this person ever think she was teaching tea ceremony to anybody else.
I am not an expert. I am still learning.
And I am sharing it with those people who are willing to understand that I'm not an expert.
It makes no sense.
To think… That you outrank someone.
Or that you are superior to someone.
That that's actually a real problem for us right now, this notion that some people are better than others.
It's very Orwellian, you know, all pigs are created equal, it's just some pigs are More equal than others.
Yeah.
So be humble.
The second… Is to see everyone, Basburda.
And treat them that way, you know, how, if the Buddha were walking into the Zeno right now.
Oh my gosh, we would all jump up and deeply bow and…
wait to see what he was going to do next. But in fact.
Everybody who walks into this room.
is a Buddha.
You have Buddha mind. You are wearing The Mind Robe of Buddha.
When you receive ordination, there's a line that says, Now everyone is your teacher.
I remember my senior student, when that line got read, She kind of gulped.
Because she said, oh dear, there are now people who are going to be telling me what I'm doing wrong.
No.
Everyone is your teacher, because everyone has something to offer.
Every single person in this room has something.
To share with the rest of us.
I'm just up here because it just happens to be that way.
I have some things to share.
But this is why we like to get to know all of you up in the community room, because we find out, oh, you know, you have a degree in medicine, or you have a degree in some other form of science, or you are a master painter, you know? All of these things are important.
So, to see everyone as your teacher.
To see everyone as sacred and special.
This is important, and it is very difficult.
Because we have to include, even… Wacky people.
Troublesome people.
More than destructive people in this.
In fact, nobody percepts, especially these people, Because there is something.
And us, that is responding negatively to something in them.
So, we always have to keep coming back here to say, why does this person upset me so much?
What is it that's provoking me? What idea am I holding onto?
And there are some people that are really are very destructive out there.
And so then we have to bring up our compassion mind of remembering.
They weren't born that way.
Nobody that you look at now, who you find
Difficult, evil, destructive, was born that way. Causes and conditions in their life brought them to this point.
And thus, Maybe they could work a little harder at undoing those causes and conditions, but
You know, be careful.
Before you judge.
Suzuki Roshi once wrote in his book.
You may have trouble with your teacher.
He had a lot of trouble with his teacher.
He was nicknamed Crooked Cucumber by his teacher, because his way, he felt, was very Inconsistent. Crooked.
Suzuki Roshi ended up… you know, so his teacher was very strict.
Japanese strict.
And then Suzuki, once he got here and he had all these hippies showing up, became very kind.
This is what's known as the pendulum swing, it's called enantiodromia.
And parents know about this.
Because if your parents were really strict.
Your tendency is to go to the other extreme, and then your children are going to go back the other way, and off it goes, until finally somebody says, could we just come to the middle, please?
So Suzuki Mashi was very kind.
Almost never lost his patience.
My teacher, quite different. Lost his patience a lot, often was angry, was very strict with me.
And so the pendulum went the other way, and I must admit that with my first student, I was probably too lenient.
And so it goes, you know?
But we're all trying to do our best. I really believe that whatever anyone is doing is de facto
The best they can do.
The third practice… Always try to help others.
Now, it turns out that this is actually considered to be an obligation.
For priests.
That's our job.
To take care of others. That doesn't mean not taking care of ourself, but…
But taking care of others, being of service to others, is really our main function. That's what priests do.
But it's actually a practice for us all.
No matter who we are.
So you want to do whatever you can.
That someone might need, and I gave a lecture a couple weeks ago about fasheng, helping out the nun.
That everybody else thought was, you know, not worthy of her attention.
And then it turned out that that nun had a great opening, deep enlightenment, And ended up leading.
The rest of the monks.
Ubermensch.
To become also deeply spiritual practitioners.
Everyone.
Everyone.
Is worthy of your kindness.
And your attention.
Maybe especially those people that you don't think are.
Maybe they've never been seen.
Maybe they have not received the value of.
Your intense kindness or acceptance.
As.
I admit, you know, some people just don't really respond.
And it is probably out of fear.
That they have been rejected so often that they cannot believe when you're offering.
Those are the saddest cases.
But we still… Try.
So, how are we to be in this very challenging world?
How are we to wrap ourselves?
And take refuge in this mind robe.
At all times, not just when we're here, when we're in the car driving, when we're in front of our computer, when we're going to get a coffee with a friend.
You know, I think we think that to help, it's sort of like when we talk about suffering.
People think that suffering has to be some really big thing, like you've just got a diagnosis of cancer.
No.
Suffering can be… I'm really hot.
And I don't like it, because, you know, sweat's dripping down my back.
It's the distance between you And what actually is?
That's the level of our suffering.
Granted, the distance between being told you have cancer and not wanting it is a much bigger suffering. But suffering overall?
is suffering.
And everybody has it.
Small, big, and in between.
Our world is a very hard place.
And as you age, What happens is…
Many more of your friends and relatives and students.
Get sick.
Get injured.
And die.
In the last 3 weeks, I've had 3 people They're diagnosed with cancer.
And I will probably be the one to do their funeral.
And they aren't that much older than me.
Our practice, our obligation, in a way.
Is to receive all this difficulty.
To take it in.
All this disaster.
This catastrophe.
With full awareness.
And the spirit that says, Yes.
I am willing to receive all of this, because this is my practice.
The great matter.
It's about death and dying.
The fourth part, is my experience anyway, is actually the fairly easy part.
Why?
The dying part… is hard.
I mean, I have one friend who died several months ago, who had the death we all want.
She went to bed at night with her husband, She was perfectly fine.
No, not ill or anything.
And I woke up the next morning, and she had died in the night.
No illness, no long problem.
And as I wrote him, I said, you know.
I know you are devastated because you're the one Who found her?
You're the one who's going to miss her.
You had not… Boiling nothing, but frankly, her death is the one most of us think would be delightful.
You don't go to sleep, don't wake up.
But it's not so great for the people left behind.
Hey.
So recently, a relatively newly ordained priest Was asking me about.
What should she do for these many people in her life who seem to be falling gravely ill?
And I suggested what I have found for myself.
You have to go towards it.
Googled An open heart?
An open mind.
But it's not something that our culture talks about very much. We really don't talk about death and dying until it's all of a sudden in our life.
When my father died, I realized that
My sister, who had been a nurse, had probably seen a few dead bodies.
But neither of my brothers had ever until they saw my father.
I had seen many by that time.
For your first To be your father is a double whammy.
If you have someone, life was ill.
We're dying.
Be with them.
Go to them.
And I'm gonna tell you, you're thinking to yourself, well, I wouldn't know what to do, or what to say, or how to be.
Nobody does.
We go into it.
our pure heart.
We go into it wrapped in our mind robe.
We trust that universal consciousness is going to tell us.
what to do.
or not.
And so the first time that I had to do this work.
I was the librarian at a school.
For 33 years.
And in about the… fifth or sixth year that I was there.
There was a relatively new director and she shows up in the library.
And she says, Diana One of the little girls in the sixth grade.
Is in the hospital with a brain tumor, her parents are there, and they need you.
I was like, what?
I don't even know her parents. You know, as a librarian, you get to know the kid, but sometimes you get to know the parents, but… I said, what do you mean
made me.
She said you're a Zen monk, aren't you?
Well, yeah… Bill Mitchell.
Okay.
So I walk into a situation where
The two parents are divorced, and not an amicable one.
And they are already fighting over what's going to be done with their poor daughter.
The bread point is what, 11?
I spent the next 2 years going back and forth between her parents' homes.
Playing with her, reading to her, playing games with her.
And then the last 6 months.
At Stanford, at Packard's Children's Hospital.
It was one of the hardest things.
I ever did…
She moves in her room.
We'll have a little ante room.
And I went there every day after school.
For the last several weeks. Last, maybe, 2 months, maybe.
I would walk into that first room.
And the whole day was like, I don't want to go in there. I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say. What do you say to a little girl who's dying?
You even got to have puberty.
I never got to have her first kiss.
Who never got to graduate.
Whoever did the thousand and one things we all take for granted.
And I would just feel this desire to turn around and not go in.
Because what am I supposed to do?
I was so grateful for my practice, because my practice said, you have to do this.
You have to wrap yourself in your mind robe and get the in there.
And once I was in there.
Things just sort of happened naturally.
We'd talk a little bit or she'd be sleeping. Maybe I'd read to her.
But often, at that point, the nurses would be coming in, and she had a port, and they'd be yanking this out and pulling that in, and…
I realized right away, she needed… something
To keep your mind from here.
And so now I put my face right up against her ear.
And I would sing to her.
I sang stupid little lullabies.
Something I remember I wrote offline, feed the birds from Mary Poppins.
Because it was something I knew.
But I would do it just for her, just very low, right in her ear, to keep her attention on me, and not on what was going on.
The yanking and the inserting and the this and that.
It was all I could think to do.
And I was with her right up to the very end.
The mother and father.
bickered and argued about her care for the entire two years. And at the very end though, when it was clear she was really dying actively.
The father came to me and he said, I am ready to come and tell her it's okay to go. I think that's what she's waiting for.
But the mother is not ready, and she doesn't want to do it. Can't you talk to her?
So you're asked to do a lot of things that you have no experience in.
And I said to him, you know, Diane was very close.
Give the mom a little bit more time. She's going to see it for herself.
And the next day?
They all went in. She and her older sister, all three of them went in.
And told Diana that it was okay for her to go.
That they loved her.
That they were all standing together to tell her this.
And 3 days later… She died.
I did not know what I was doing.
I have been in this situation now, I don't know.
… 13, 14 times. I'll never know, because each one is different.
When you take refuge in this practice, when you are doing your daily meditation, when you are dealing with
Just sitting down.
And allowing the mind to settle.
Bottom line makes its appearance.
And it tells you what to do.
But you have to stop long enough to hear it.
You know, it's the walking through the muddy pond.
of the lotuses.
If you keep walking, all you're doing is The Mighty Water!
You can't see anything clearly, but when you finally stop.
All that muddiness.
Begins to settle.
And then… You see clearly.
And you can step forward into your life.
The most recent… situation that I was in.
Was that my teacher died?
Two and a half weeks ago.
I had been with him at least once a week over the last year and a half, watching him deteriorate.
Watching him get grumpier than ever.
Knowing that was partly the dementia and partly just his personality.
Again, there were times when I didn't really want to go.
But I knew it was important, and I needed to be there.
I'm very glad I did it.
I was there with him in hospice.
I was not there when he actually died. That's a rare thing, by the way.
Usually, The dying wait until everybody is gone. I think this has something to do with the last attachment.
But… When it's done.
Well, we've gone through that process, and I know there are people in this room who have done this work.
It's exhausting work.
But by the end, You've already done part of your grooving.
Because you have watched the whole process. This is the great matter.
This body that you have is not going to last.
Something is gonna happen to every single one of us, this is inevitable.
But how we're needed?
That's the great matter.
That's it.
So we have to approach.
Each moment of our life.
With the attitude of, This is my life.
To absorb all of this.
And just do… What I can.
Thank you.
I think this… ran out.
Oh, okay.
It's dead.
So, if there are any questions, I don't know what time it is, but I probably have gone over.
What is it? It went… Oh, perfect, okay, there's definitely time for questions, excellent.
And it doesn't have to be just about what I talked about, anything will do, but if you have something you would like to contribute about.
A great matter about your own experience, I would love to hear it.
Candice.
One small comment.
One small comment, if you are faced, you are with the dear, the one who's going to be departing soon.
It's okay to ask for help.
I can't tell you how important that is to realize
That you're not alone. Maybe you want to be alone, and that's okay too, but it's okay to ask for help.
Thank you.
Matter of fact.
When my teacher was dying, The first thing that happened, his daughter was there, and
she said, oh, I'm overwhelmed, all these doctors have come in, they want this and they want that, and finally one doctor came in and said, he had to be very careful how to say it, but basically it was, you don't have to do anything, you know.
You don't have to have any of these procedures, you can just decide to let him go.
And she's like, thank you.
Because it was clear that he was ready to go.
And then the next people that came in.
Was the whole Stanford Hospital hospice crew.
And they were amazing.
So, yes.
There's professional help that you can get, depending on, you know, what health service you have.
But also, You can ask a lot of people for help.
You can ask people who've been through it before themselves, you can ask people like Nenzen and me, and Mike, you know, because this is something that we do.
Oh.
So you need to support yourself as well through this process. If you don't do that, you know, it's the old, you gotta put your mask on first before you put it on your child, because otherwise, you are no good to anyone.
Other questions? Comments?
In that vein, I did have a question about how you personally balance this. I get the impression
that you have quite a large community to serve. Does there ever come a point when
The amount of things or the amount of people or the amount of duty that you have comes to a head and you yourself find you don't have the time or you don't have the
Personal energy or you find yourself faltering, what do you do in that case?
What a great question, thank you. So,
I don't know if the people online could hear that.
Can you repeat it? Yeah, they can. Oh, they heard it. Good, okay.
Oh.
That's a really great question.
It's very funny that you say that because, My husband's best friend's wife.
Was just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.
And she has 6 to 12 months to live.
And… As I say, she's one of the three just in the last two weeks.
And so… All of a sudden, I noticed.
Him being, kind of, Extra… attentive around me.
I was like, what is that? I think it suddenly sunk in.
I'm not gonna be here forever, and neither is he, right?
I have that awareness all the time, right? But I think it was, like, a new thought for him.
I do have a very.
Large community.
Between the school where I taught for 33 years, Thousands of families.
And then… Two main Zen communities, my own group that I started, Zen Heart Sangha, And.
Actually, 3. Connell and Dawson, Summer and Mountain View, and now here.
Plus all my friends at San Francisco Zen Center and Santa Cruz, and yeah, it can feel overwhelming sometimes, because
Somebody… Somebody who's always ill, somebody who's always having to have surgery, someone who's always dying.
And so I have an altar at home.
And on the left side, Or the cards for well-being.
There's about 30 cards there right now, with people's names.
On the right side are those who have died, and there's about 6 people there.
And…
I realized that The many years of sitting practice make it possible for me.
It's a little bit of a compartmentalizing.
That when I am completely with someone, that's the box that's open in this moment. And I am absolutely trying completely to be with you.
But when I am done, the next thing.
Your box closes so that I can open the next box. It doesn't mean your box goes away.
It's there. And every now and then, I have to go through, I haven't checked with that person in a few days, I haven't written that person, or texted them to find out how they're doing.
So, as I said, one of my other students has lymphoma.
And… I'm having to check in with her.
But it's a way of organizing
My, not only my thoughts, but my emotions. If I try, if I was just an open thing for everything.
All at once, I would be a little overwhelmed.
But by…
Having a special, beautiful box for each individual, each sentient being. You know, sometimes it's someone's dog, their beloved dog of 15 years, right?
Then I can open that box completely, give it all my attention.
And that's how I want to keep it from totally overwhelming, because
This stuff is happening to everyone, right? It's happening to all of us. I'm sure each one of you has someone in your life that
Is either ill or having grave difficulty.
And how can you show up for them, right? Which I assume is a little bit of your question. How can I show up for each person and give them my complete
Attention.
A suggestion that I have, also.
When you open that box, each one has a little mind robe inside.
Pull out the mind robe first. Put it on yourself. Take refuge in… The Buddha's teachings.
Which is to settle yourself.
When my very dear friend Howe died 3 years ago, As she was getting close.
There was another sort of contingent in her life.
Which tended to be very, Gregarious and noisy and…
Wanting… you know, Helen was a very happy person, and they just loved to make her laugh, and it was getting close.
And when I would come into her room.
There was all this excess energy.
And I finally had to say something of.
You know, it's perfectly fine for you to be here with Hal.
But you're gonna have to understand we need to quiet things down now.
But I had to settle myself first before saying that.
So that I didn't walk into the room and going, what on earth is going on? What's the matter with all of you? Right? Which is a very different message.
I was able, by settling myself, by putting that little mind robe on.
To come in and very gently sing.
We need to quiet things down now.
Thank you for your question.
Mmm.
Thank you so much for the talk.
Umm.
Something I've been struggling a lot with is physical pain in my body,
And, while I've practiced meditation before,
The pain makes it a lot harder to focus on my thoughts and
Stay in the moment, and so…
I'm wondering if you have any advice on,
How to maintain, like, the mind-body connection and continue tending to the physical parts of myself while being able to maintain a spiritual practice.
Hmm.
Thank you. That is also a very important question.
That's the part where the great matter is applying to ourself.
Right.
So I have several students.
Who.
have pretty grave… physical difficulties.
And.
So the first thing I try to do is help them find a posture.
That works for them.
So there's a couple of them that need to do lying down zazen.
So you bend your knees so you don't fall asleep.
Because many people have back problems, shoulder problems, neck problems, and lying down is a way to better support. So, I don't know what your difficulties are, but
to find, you know, does a chair work better? Does a bench work better? Does lying down work better?
To be aware that all of these things are options.
Years ago, my monk back in New York.
She has severe nerve damage down her left side.
From a fall, and 3 botched operations.
And she was on the floor sitting and she'd be just in so much pain and I kept saying.
Patty.
Why don't you sit in a chair?
Oh no, that's not the real thing.
It's like, who says, who says it's not the real thing? It's what Durga says in the Fukan Zenge, take your seat and you cross the ocean.
Patty.
Those were Japanese people. They grew up on the floor. You did not.
So I kept talking to her about this, and then finally, one day, she was in New York, so we would talk on the phone every other week, and she says.
So I have a confession to make.
It says, Darlene Cohen, who's a really wonderful Zen teacher, was here giving a guest lecture.
And, you know how you've been telling me I could be sitting in a chair? I said, yeah.
Well… Darlene has rheumatoid arthritis.
So she actually was sitting in a chair the whole time. And I figured if a teacher could sit in the chair.
I could sit in a chair.
And she said, I'm sorry, I know you've been saying it all along. I said, you know what, Patty, I don't actually care how you frankly got it.
But you saw somebody who was in even more pain than you.
Find a way to do meditation?
I'm a happy camper.
So, one thing about Darlene…
But I've never forgotten, I don't really remember much of her other teaching, but there was one thing that she said.
When she would go into any room.
She would find the most beautiful thing in the room.
And when the pain started getting bad, because rheumatoid arthritis is very painful.
She would concentrate her attention on that beautiful thing.
And that would help her, because, you know, it wasn't constant pain, it was like this, that would help her get through the spikes.
And allow it to settle down again.
The third thing that I would say, though, Be very kind to yourself.
I think when we have chronic conditions, because as I said, I have several students now in that situation, one of whom gets such terrible migraines.
She ends up in the ER.
We have to understand, we didn't ask for this.
Right? We did not ask to have these terrible things happen to our body. It is part of having a body.
So, you know, in Thich Nhat Hanh's Five Recollections, it says, you know, you're gonna get old, you're gonna get sick. There's no way to avoid that.
You're gonna get old, hopefully.
And there's no way to avoid that.
Unless you die young.
And the third thing, you're going to die.
And everything and everyone is going to be taken from you along the way.
And so, the only thing that you can rely on are your actions.
Your actions are the ground of your being. They are your only real, true belongings.
What we do… And that includes, how do we Do this thing, this dance.
With our body.
Do not think there is any one particular way to be in Zen Zen.
Put that mind robe around you and take refuge in it that the Buddha himself, Was total compassion.
You are.
Worthy of that level of compassion to yourself.
So… Find what works for you.
And don't worry about what anybody else thinks.
Because they are not in your body.
But you are.
So.
Depending on what you discover works for you.
And may not always work for you, either. You know, sometimes you do something and it works for a while, and then it doesn't.
Continue to be curious.
About what works for you.
And adjust. Adapt.
If it just gets too painful to be sitting.
Do walking meditation.
If it's too painful to do that, do lying down meditation.
Find what works for you. That is the most important thing.
Thank you.
Maybe time for one more?
Hello. Thank you.
So, from the flip… Can you hold it up? Yeah. Yeah. From the flip side…
I am not dying, but I feel like I am, and I feel like I'm drawing on other people's goodwill in that sort of way.
And I feel very guilty about it. Do you have any thoughts about this?
I have a lot of thoughts about it.
The first thought… And I say this to everyone.
Good compassion.
Guilt?
Is a wasted emotion.
You have to turn that around.
To be gratitude.
But… That there are people willing to be helpful to you?
Is a thing to be grateful for.
But not only that, to understand that you are helping them.
That… We… generally, we want to be helpful.
We want to help others. We may not know how to do it.
I mean, my student who just got diagnosed with lymphoma, everybody wants to help her, and it's like…
She's been holding… I only got to finally see her last week. She's been holding us all at bay.
For the very same reason.
She's worried that, you know, People are gonna pity her.
whether or not Tell her what to do, or that she needs to feel guilty about needing help.
Right?
And so when I went to visit her last week, this is basically what we were talking about.
When you allow other people to help you.
You're giving them a great gift.
The gift of allowing them to express generosity.
Right now, I feel like there's so many people who feel helpless.
There's just so much going on in the world, and they don't know what to do about it.
But you, you're right here. Somebody can do something with you, right here.
What a gift!
So let go of the guilt, if you can.
And sometimes it's… it's…
An old habit for all of us to feel guilty about something, but if you can, you know, little by little, let it go, and accept the help.
Knowing full well that at some point, you also can say, if this gets to be too much, you need to tell me.
This is about honest communication, then.
Because sometimes it does get to be a lot, and then the person needs to take a break, or whatever, or you need to take a break.
But… To be able to be honest about it, to be authentic of…
I really need your help for this. I don't really need your help.
Or…
Just honestly, you need to tell me if this gets to be too much, and I will have to find another way.
Right?
Always when we're looking at negative emotions.
It's very helpful to turn the coin over and see what the positive side is.
So, the positive side of guilt is being aware.
That other people might be feeling it's too much. That's okay.
Your awareness is important.
But don't go into the dark side of that, of feeling badly about it.
Being able to say to them.
Thank you so much for your help.
It's enough for now.
Does that make sense?
Thank you.